Last Updated on September 4, 2022 by Jason Harris
What are the destinations of my mind? Are they places of mindful and compassionate curiosity? Or are they places of absolute surety? Which is my initial default? Can both exist simultaneously? Especially regarding the same area of thought? Is my “knowingness” when present in fact backed by sufficient objective evidence? If so am I open to new objective evidence? How “objective” is the evidence? Is there room for new paradigms? Are my paradigms facilitating or impairing movement? Or both? How does this impact my relationships with my children, my spouse, my friends and others around me? How often does a destination of rock-solid surety serve the best interest? Is it sometimes necessary to not be too “wishy-washy?”
Good/bad, right/wrong, black/white paradigms… Often so limiting. And not representing of reality it seems. Take honesty vs. deception. Honesty, truth and integrity good… Deception bad… Except life isn’t so simple. These dichotomies aren’t true (the paradox). And such a view annihilates so much beauty and joy. Take humor. Humor is wonderful. Yet the foundation of humor is so often some level of deception. A presentation of incongruities. Leading another’s mind where they didn’t expect to be led… Yet the intention is often not to harm but to uplift… At what point in the scale and continuum then does deception become “wrong?”
Our “shadow” characteristics as humans seem to make so much of what is so beautiful and paradoxical about being human possible. Perhaps this is one reason why AI still doesn’t work that well? The inability to simultaneously hold and embrace contradiction? Paradox?
And while I’m pondering all of this… my chest is tight. But certainly not because of what I’m thinking about right now? Or is it in part? Am I feeling disappointment of “falling short?” As if there was a destination I had to reach and by not doing so I’m failing? But isn’t “failing” and being imperfect itself a beautiful part of what being human is all about?
Am I bypassing other emotions, difficult emotions I’m grappling with in my life right now? Emotions of grief, sadness, loss? Am I running to my head-space for safety as I think about these questions because my heart-space hurts? My body-space is in pain?
Yes. I’m also doing that right at this instance. But that’s also OK. I’m consciously doing so. Right now is a thinking time. A brief escape time. Or perhaps I’m observing my thinking more than actually thinking right now? But isn’t that ALSO thinking? I have set aside time for my heart and my body as well. Not to mention time for so many and so much outside of myself as well. I’m not stuck in this space. It’s OK to be in this space right now.
Questions I ask myself lately.
And as I reflect on what I’m saying, am I currently experiencing disorganized, non-linear thinking? Disorganized perhaps. Non-linear perhaps. Yet there seems to be an underlying insight, awareness and connection to all of it as well. Is this running about from lily pad to mountains to stars in my thoughts pathological? No. I have insight. This is not a thought disorder. I’m just stream of consciousness throwing up on the page what is crossing my mind. Yet what really ARE thought disorders? A thought disorder in one culture is feared and imprisoned, yet this is a revelation and celebration in another culture. Schizophrenics or Shamans?
Why does my mind sometimes connect so many seemingly unrelated dots? It’s always been this way. What a beautiful mind. Yet this very phrase inspires a certain amount of fear as Russel Crowe’s face flashes across my mind. Particularly as I read back through this post. Organized chaos? It certainly wouldn’t win any English awards for a thesis with a well supported structure of supporting statements!! Lol. But the fear vanishes as I think about it further. I’m FAR too old for the onset of a thought disorder… Wheww!! I was on the edge of my seat for that one.
The thoughts our mind jumps between internally and the thoughts we then present to the world are often VERY different. Are any of us as organized on the inside as we appear to be on the outside? We all learn to filter….
Ahhh… our mental and emotional filters. What a profound concept!! At least I think so.
A phrase that recently entered my mind, “Our paradigms are our passports and our prisons.”
Our Paradigms Are Our Passports And Our Prisons.Me
I strive to maintain an attitude and approach of compassionate curiosity, but also often find the default mechanism of my mind is to jump to conclusions. Grasp onto an explanation for what is happening… etc. Find the answer. And then cling to it when I think I’ve found it. At least for a time. Because this provides emotional safety?
Yet it all seems like a balancing act. Too much compassionate curiosity and there is zero movement… zero progress… Too much surety about one’s course and the progress may be towards a brick wall… not a doorway.
Balance is difficult sometimes. Particularly the balance that happens within my own mind.
Like a build your own character video game hero…. I start with a limited number of “points” to put towards my strengths… And any strengthening in one area will mean there is another area that is not strengthened. No points left for that area. Gifts with shadows. Is it best in my hero’s journey to have balance across the board? To be ok everywhere but not excel anywhere? Or is it better to have all of the “points” in one area? To excel in some areas but then suck in others? Probably depends on the situation at hand. Flexibility. Skill. Life stuff.
My relationships with myself. With my mind. With my heart. With my body.
My relationships with others.
My relationships with other aspects of the universe.
A small part of so many bigger wholes.
Existing as a small part of the universe is mind-boggling sometimes. I wish my monkey mind could grasp it all! Lol.
Yet the awe and wonder of this entire experience called life is humbling and awe-inspiring as well.
Ahhh… the way my mind wanders. Self love. Macs vs. PCs… Why is most of society built around PCs?
Time to go back to sleep.
Are the wheels on the bus coming off right now? No, they aren’t. The workings of a healthy mind.
Jason Harris lived as an orthodox Mormon for forty years. He writes about his experiences leaving the Mormon Church and reconstructing a new World-View. He believes all religions and scripture are man-made, potentially helpful and harmful. He believes there is Divinity in all of them and everywhere.